The Resurrection of Carson
by Elizabeth Bartlett
Summary: Death by glomping. What a way to go. Companion piece to 'When Plot Bunnies Attack'. R&R.
1. Prologue or Death by Glomping

A/N: This the companion piece to BiteMeTechie's story, "When Plot Bunnies Attack". It deals with Carson's death by glomping and his resurrection. The first part is basically a prologue, so you don't have to read the story to know what's going on, but I highly recommend it. For the glomping try and envision the 'TAG' body spray deodorant commercials. Don't own anything related to 'SGA'. R&R.

"AHHHH! GET IT AWAY FROM ME! Getitawaygetitawaygetitawaygetitaway!"

Carson dropped his pen when a horrible shriek, the likes of which he'd never heard before, reached his ears. "What was that?" he asked walking out of his office.

Melissa shrugged her shoulders and said, "Don't know, it sounded like it came from the hallway."

"I'll just check it out. Someone could be hurt." Carson said, heading towards the door. Exiting the infirmary he looked for the female personnel who'd screamed. But all he saw was Rodney, John, Stackhouse, Ronon, half a dozen marines, and a small bunny-looking animal.

"I did not scream." Carson heard Rodney protest while John smirked.

"Yes you did. You screamed and squealed like a little schoolgirl." John said, his grin getting even wider.

"Did not. I was simply shocked when that…that…demon spawn jumped me."

"What's going on?" Carson asked when he neared them.

"This…" Rodney said, failing an arm at the bunny-looking thing. "this…_thing_ is the problem. It's evil, I tell you, EVIL!"

Carson was confused. "How canna wee little bunny be evil?" he asked, picking it up. The not-quite-bunny snuggled against him and Carson started petting it.

"_John, is everything alright?_" they heard Elizabeth ask over the comm.

"Yea, McKay just freaked out like a girl when he almost stepped on a bunny.

"_A bunny? How did one get here?_"

"Well, it's not quite a bunny but it looks a lot like one." Carson said, scratching in between the bunny's ears. It started to make a soft purring noise. "Elizabeth, if it's alright with you, I'd like to take a look at it."

"_Fine with me. After you're done I'm sure the Bio. staff would like to take a look at it._"

"Right." Carson said. He then headed back towards the infirmary.

**_plotbunniesplotbunniesplotbunnies_**

"There's nothing wrong with it." Carson said, simply.

"How can there be nothing wrong with it?" Rodney exclaimed. "That…_thing_ is deadly!"

"I think that if Carson and half the bio. staff thinks that there's nothing wrong with it, then it's perfectly safe Rodney." Elizabeth said.

Rodney just shot Carson an evil look and pouted.

"I've been thinking; since it looks so much like a bunny then why don't we make it sort of an unofficial mascot for the expedition? I figured that it would strengthen morale in the ranks if we had our own 'pet', so to speak."

"Sounds good to me." John said, from his usual seat in the conference room. "Aside from the fact that it looked so much like something from home, that it might comfort those who hadn't been back to earth in a while. And the fact that it caused McKay to react like girl's during a panty raid might endear it evenmore to the staff." He said with a huge grin. Those in the room grinned as well and laughed

"For the last time I did _not_ scream like girl." Rodney protested. "Can't you people see that _thing_ is evil. Hello? Anyone watch 'Monty Python and the Holy Grail'? It's almost a ringer for that bunny in the movie. We need to kill it right now, or its gonna kill us all."

John rolled his eyes and said, "Maybe someone's seen 'Night Of The Leapus' one to many times."

Rodney just growled and stormed out of the room.

**_plotbunniesplotbunniesplotbunnies_**

"Melissa, have you seen my sunglasses?" John asked as he walked into the infirmary. "I could have sworn I left them in here."

"Sorry, Col. Sheppard. They're not here." Melissa said, shaking her head.

John shrugged and said, "Oh well, they must be somewhere else." Just then his headset sprang to life. "_John, the Daedalus has just arrived._" He heard Elizabeth's voice say.

"Good. We're expecting some new recruits." John said as he exited the infirmary.

**_plotbunniesplotbunniesplotbunnies_**

"How is this possible?" Elizabeth asked, flipping through the list of new expedition members. "How can there be more than on the list and _how_ is it possible that all their names are Mary-Sue?"

"Got me with that one." John said, shrugging his shoulders. "You don't think…" he let the sentence dangle.

"What?" Elizabeth asked.

"Well…on my way to meet the Daedalus I spotted the bunny-thing hanging around the door and then this…nah it's just a coincidence."

"A pretty strange coincidence if you ask me. We'll deal with that later, right now we need to find quarters for all these Mary-Sues.

Somewhere in Atlantis…

"Dr. McKay's really working himself up over the bunny isn't he?" a Lt. said as him and another walked along the hallway.

"Yea, don't know why. That thing's cute as hell." the Lt.'s partner replied. "I like your red shirt, by the way."

"Thanks. Just got it from home. What about yours?"

"The same. My wife saw it in a store and thought that I would like it". They walked in silence for a while until they passed a storage closet. There were sounds coming from the inside. They stopped and looked at each other. "What was that?"

The Lt. shrugged and said, "Let's check it out."

"Ok."

They approached the door hesitantly. "On three." The Lt. said. "One…Two…Three!"

The door swished open and bunnies started falling out. "Ahhhh!" the two men cried out as bunnies surrounded them.

No one heard their screams.

**_plotbunniesplotbunniesplotbunnies_**

"Somethin' strange is going on." Carson muttered as he walked into his office. Laura had just broken up with him, telling him that she was in love with McKay. He didn't understand it, they were perfectly happy until a few weeks ago. He had gone to talk to Elizabeth about something and she hardly noticed him, she was all but throwing herself onto McKay. The last time he had seen Rodney, the man was running into a supply closet yelling, "keep her away from me!" Then Steve told him that they had gotten ten cases of amnesia that morning and didn't show any signs of stopping. John and Radek had tried to kill themselves and were now in restraints but Carson didn't know how long those would hold. Someone had seen Ronon and Kavanaugh dancing. _Together_. Just the thought of that made Carson shudder involuntary. A number of the Mary-Sues began chasing members of the expedition; John, Ronon, Lorne, Rodney (when it wasn't Elizabeth), Stackhouse, and even Carson. He had already gotten a few shiners from the Mary-Sues tackling him when he wasn't expecting it. Telya had suddenly become pregnant and when asked who the father was, she said that it was Ford. Carson knew that there wasn't something right about all of this, but couldn't figure out what. He took bunnies off of his desk and desk and sat down. Then it hit him. Before he could write any of his suspicions down, there was a knock at the door. "Come in." he called out. The door opened and he looked up to see that a number of Mary-Sues enter. "What canna do for you ladies?" he asked. They just smiled sweetly and giggled softly. Carson cleared his throat nervously. "If there's nothing-Ahhh!" Carson cried out as they jumped him. He fell off the chair and onto the floor, the Mary-Sues on top of him.

"He's soooooo adorable!" one of the said, ripping his lab coat off.

"And soooo dreamy!" a second one said, wrapping her arms around him.

"That hair. It's soooo soft!" the third one said, running her hand through his hair.

"Ooof! Ladies, please!" he said, the breath getting squeezed out of him. "I canna breathe!" They just laughed and tried to rip off his shirt. Suddenly they stopped and ran out of the room, giggling madly. Carson lay on the floor for a few minutes, catching his breath. He wanted to know what the hell had just happened. Standing, he looked at the ripped lab coat and sighed. That was the fourth one this week. Cautiously he made his way out of the infirmary. Steve and Melissa were making out on one of the beds, and it looked like John had escaped. Meanwhile, Teyla had given birth to Fords' Wraith love child and Elizabeth madly dashed in wearing a tight tank top and hot pants looking for "her Rodney". It was utter chaos. Carson walked out into the hallway and was immediately tacked by five Mary-Sues. They managed to rip his shirt off and muss up his hair even more. Staggering around shirtless he made his way around the chaos that had been Atlantis. And the bunnies were everywhere. Leaning against the wall, Carson tried to catch his breath. Grimacing, he gently touched his chest. "_They must of broken a rib or two._" He thought. Pushing himself off of the wall, he continued on his way. He never saw the Mary-Sue tackle him from behind. The next thing Carson knows he's on the floor with giggling echoing through the hallway. Groaning he got up and groaning slowly made his way forward. Then two Mary-Sues appeared and started running towards him. Carson's eyes went wide and he tried to lose them, but he was too wounded to do so. The Mary-Sues hit him like a car going full speed hitting a brick wall. That was the last thing Carson remembered. But that didn't stop the Mary-Sues. They kept coming until they finally realized that he was dead. It was only then did they leave him alone.


	2. He's Alive!

A/N: Here's the last part. BiteMeTechie said that I channeled her perfectly and said that it frightened her that we were on the same page. I swear that I hadn't talked to her about any of this before hand. Doesn't that just send shivers down your spine? It's like they say; great minds think alike. Anyhoo, enough of my ramblings. Don't own anything related to 'SGA' and Read and Review. (you know you want to.)

Carson opened his eyes and looked around. He was alone, save for a pile of pink goo. Groaning he rolled over onto his side and slowly got up. His hand slipped into the pink goo and Carson made a face. "Eww." He said, looking around for something to wipe his hand off. When he couldn't find anything, he settled for his pants. Looking around, he tried to remember why he was in the middle of a hallway. Shirtless. Then it all came back to him. Mary-Sues tackling people…Elizabeth chasing Rodney…John trying to commit suicide…Ford's Wraith love child…complete and utter chaos. Feeling something rubbing against his leg, Carson looked down and saw that it was the bunny-thing that had Rodney screaming like a schoolgirl. Smiling he picked it up and said, "Now what are you doin' here? It isn't safe, you know." The bunny-thing just stared at Carson with its big beetle black eyes, blinking occasionally. Suddenly the air was filled with a noxious, glowing green cloud-like mist. Carson inhaled some of the cloud and coughed. It disappeared as suddenly as it had appeared and Carson felt something snap. Laura had broken up with him, left him for Rodney. Said that he wasn't man enough for her and that she loved Rodney more because he actually got her and knew what she needed. Carson snorted; he'd show her that he was man enough. He'll show everyone that Caron Montgomery Emerson Beckett was man enough. He was Scottish for crying out loud; he grew up in the Highlands, and he knew what tough was. Toughness ran through his blood. _He_ had bloody taken care of her after her and McKay had shared the same body._ He_ was there when she got word that her father had died. _He_ was the one who convinced her to stay before the sabotage attempt. If it wasn't for him, everyone'd be_ dead_. They'd been happy but then McKay had to enter the picture, saying how sorry he was about the comment he made when they were working together, and could he make it up by taking Laura to dinner. Carson narrowed his eyes; McKay was a dead man. Setting the bunny down, he gave its head a small pat and then stormed off to find that pompous, self-centered, hypochondriac, ass of a Canadian doctor.

He walked back into the infirmary, which by now was empty. Carson stormed into his office and started rummaging around in his desk. Finding a headset, he put it on and activated it.

"…astrophysicist, calling...calling...well, calling whoever you are-" a gulp. "HELP!"

Carson paused. It was Rodney. Finding what he needed, Carson stormed out of the infirmary and paused. He had no idea where Rodney was. Carson could try where he had seen Rodney run six/seven hours before but he could have moved during that time and Carson could be wasting his time. But he had no where else to start, so he headed in that direction. He was going to make the little wimp pay.


End file.
